Britney Shears is no stranger to the world.
She has sold over 20 million records worldwide, packed stadiums all over the country and even has her own perfume called "Bang for Love."
Shears has not released an album in over five years. Since then she has had a tumultuous life, after she married, had kids, divorced, was caught by the media not wearing underwear, shaved her head and entered rehab.
Shears has overcome all these obstacles and released another album called "Shaved at Last."
"Shaved at Last" will hopefully be Shears comeback album. Shears sat down with The Stagnant and talked about her new gospel album, and about her life out of rehab.
The Stagnant: So what inspired you to write a gospel album?
Shears: Well, I had a lot of problems in my life when I first started recording this album. I had just ended my marriage and became addicted to prescription drugs. I was going to the studio high and stuff. I would just start singing things like "I wanna be a pink saber," and "whatta poontang wants." Anyway, it was obvious that I was going crazy so I had people intervene in my life and say: "you need to check yourself into a club and get some rest girl." I ignored them and went on singing crazy songs with no possible release of an album in sight.
The Stagnant: So what made you eventually enter rehab?
Shears: Well, it was when I shaved off all my hair. People were long before telling me to check into rehab when I wasn't wearing any panties. But after I shaved my head, took a nap, woke up, ate a pop tart and looked in the mirror … I realized that I was out of control and that something had to give.
The Stagnant: So you then entered rehab?
Shears: Yeah. I checked in and spent a month discovering that I am special and that I should cherish my life and my hair and that I should wear panties and not do drugs.
The Stagnant: So how did you come up with the new album "Shaved at Last?"
Shears: The album is a compilation of everything I went through. I sing about the pains and problems that I went through. Like the problems everyone goes through, whether it be about losing love or trying to find oneself. In rehab I met a woman who talked to me about God. I liked how she found spiritualism as a guide for her life. I use music as a guide in my life. I then decided to do a gospel album about my life. I wanted to search for some purpose to it.
The Stagnant: And have you found a purpose in your life with this new album?
Shears: I think I have. I found out that I am a strong person who can handle all sorts of pains. In my song, "I'm not a girl, not yet a nun," I sing about how I am in a transition in my life from being a crazy party girl to not being one. The song goes further into my qualms in life when I have to decide to tell the limo driver to turn either left to the nightclub or right to the church.
The Stagnant: And which is it, left or right?
Shears: Well, let's just say that I choose what's best for me at that time. You'll just have to buy the album to find out.
Editor's Note: This article is to be considered parody and not based in fact. It is part of our annual April Fools Edition.
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